"Well, whaddya know," said Hermione. "I guess you can Apparate in and out of Hogwarts."
Lord Voldemort raised his wand, and began the final incantation that would take Harry's life, and give him immortaloity. But, the substandard bottom of the foreign-made cauldron chose that moment to wear out. With a harsh sizzle, the bubbling potion began to eat away at the metal, soon pouring out onto the cobblestones and washing across the dungeon floor.
"Confound these cheap foreign cauldrons!" Voldemort screamed. "Why couldn't the Ministry keep an eye on these things?"
Good thing Percy never finished that report, thought Harry, as he slid into unconsciousness.
"A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this kind of Muggle
trick," said Fred, handing the steroids out to the rest of the Quidditch
team. "But we think they're skills worth knowing, even if they
are a bit slow."
In addition to their regular courses, fifth-year students were required to
attend lessons on Health and Reproduction in the north tower. The classroom
was lined with empty portraits, and Harry guessed that the
occupants were either arriving soon or wanted to avoid the class entirely. The
Gryffindors took their seats quietly.
"I wonder who the instructor'll be," said Ron.
"Probably Professor McGonigall," replied Hermione. "They usually have the head of the house teach this subject."
"Oh, terrific," groaned Ron. "Just the person we need to teach us about sex."
Harry said nothing, but privately, he agreed. Somehow, the idea of learning about reproduction from Professor McGonigall made him even more nervous.
There was a rustling from behind the blackboard at the front of the class. They heard a man clearing his throat, and Harry felt a nasty twinge of recognition. But only when the wizard stepped out from behind the blackboard, resplendent in the sky-blue robes that matched his eyes, did Harry feel his heart sink like a stone to the bottom of the Hogwarts lake.
"Welcome to Health and Reproduction!" announced Gilderoy Lockhart, marking his entrance with a shower of sparks and streamers from his wand. "Or as I like to call it, 'The Birds, the Bees, and Every Lovin' Thing!"
Copyright 2000-6 Brian Siano
(unless otherwise noted)